Although life goes on, I’m going to try to keep things going from the point I left off. So let me tell you about the Monday I took the “psych profile” that was really a mental test. I have my doubts that these things serve any purpose but to allow the person administering the test or asking for the results to use the “data” to support a conclusion that was already in place before the test. In my case, the school system wanted to “prove” that I needed to be placed in a certain grade because of my so-called “social deficiencies”, instead of saying their placement happened because it suits the school’s or town’s agenda.
Lizzie and Kara got me to the White Cedars Board of Ed building, which was a former school building that was converted for office use. It used to be “School 16” – that’s what it said on the front of the building. The school was so last-century – there was a double doorway in the center, a main entrance, and, and two smaller doorways to the left and right, marked “Girls’ Entrance” and “Boys’ Entrance”. How archaic.
We went in the center doors.
After going from the “Main Office” to the “District Office” on the first floor, Lizzie and Kara were asked to wait while this thin blonde with short hair and glasses, dressed in a skirt, t-shirt and jacket would take me up to the second floor where “Miss Prichard” the “Middle School Social Worker” would administer the necessary tests. Lizzie shook her head and said to me “Meet us at that park we passed a few blocks back when they get done with you, kiddo.” This made my blonde escort sputter and bluster about the need for my guardian’s permission to leave unescorted. Kara looked the woman straight in the eye and said, “I’m nineteen, and Lina Blackpaw, Dee’s guardian, sent her here with me.”
“But…but I’m sure she didn’t expect you to walk away from your responsibility…” My blond escort seemed at a loss for words. Kara was shorter than the woman was, but for just a second she seemed to loom over blondie-in-the skirt. She inhaled slowly, as if she was going to shout, but when she spoke, it was low tone like a stage-whisper.
“Lina Blackpaw trusts me, and more important, she raised Dee to know how to handle herself in all sorts of environments. I know that Dee’s responsible enough to find a park that’s two streets away. The kid’s walked miles through woods that have bears and copperheads. She’s walked around Soho and the Village when Lina’s taken her to gallery openings. She’s not some over-protected suburbanite, like you’re used to.” Kara turned away from the woman, as if dismissing her. She handed me her cellphone, winked, and rolled her eyes.
“Call us. We’ll come back to pick you up. I have a feeling this may take a while.” She grabbed Lizzies hand and they walked out of the office. A few moments later I heard the front doors slam.
“Well!” was all the woman could say. “Let me take you to Miss Pritchard”
We went to an office on the second floor. It had an old wooden door, and had once been a classroom that was now subdivided by cubicles. The first two cubicles were empty, but the third had a tall, thin, middle aged lady with brown hair and a neck like crepe paper. She wore bright red jeans and a print blouse with red leaves on it. She smiled, like a scientist receiving a new specimen.
“Hello Miranda. I hope you’re not nervous.”
Suddenly, I was. Why would anyone bring something like that up, unless there was a reason to be nervous?
I shook the woman’s hand when she offered me hers, and she led me over to a portion of the room that had two orange vinyl square couches that looked like 70’s hippie leftovers. She indicated that I should sit, and then asked if I minded if she asked me some questions.
“That’s what I’m here for, isn’t it?” I answered. Her eyebrows rose up. She sat on the couch across from me, and picked up a clipboard off the low table next to us. Told me to answer the questions she would ask with a “yes” or “no”.
“Easy enough” I said.
But it wasn’t.
The questions were OK at first, asking if I “mapped out strategies” for problems, if I considered myself “bashful,” if I have trouble expressing my opinions when in a group, do I get “fidgety” if I have to wait, if I preferred activities that were “thrilling’ or “daring”. Then she gave me adjectives and asked me to answer “yes” or “no” if they described me. The problem was, my answers were “sometimes.” Sometimes I’m sad, or clever, or energetic, or lethargic, or uneasy, or tense, or excited or ecstatic or contrite or angry or disappointed. I’m not any of them ALL the time. I’m a pre-teen – we’re prone to be emotional!
Miss Pritchard was not thrilled with my answers, or how long it was taking me to answer her. I kept saying “sometimes”, and suddenly she was all emo, getting tense, excited, exasperated, angry and all of those adjectives she was throwing out at me. I was tempted top point that out to her, but I knew that would really make me fail this stupid test of hers.
Then she switched to the bizarre questions. My favorite was “Has anyone ever hoodwinked you so completely that you had to acknowledge the job was well done?”
What the heck does that even mean? If you say yes, you’re an idiot who loves to get fooled by clever people. If you say “no,” and you’ve ever been to a magic show, or a circus, you are a liar. Either answer makes you look stupid.
Other questions that were weird like that included “When a person is friendly or nice to you, do you try and determine his motives?” HUH? “Does playing games at a party disturb you, even if everyone is participating?” “When you were a child, did anyone accuse you of taking something that wasn’t yours?” “Do you dislike someone so much that you rejoice when they suffer misfortune?”
When Miss Pritchard asked one of the weird questions, (which were slipped in among more normal questions like “Do you like to save all or part of your allowance?”) I just told her I thought the question was idiotic. She said I had to give her an answer, yes-or-no. She was getting angry. I When she asked me that “hoodwinked” question, I told her that I’d seen Penn and Teller a few years ago, and I applauded at their magic, so I guess the answer is yes, if that’s what she meant, but if she meant normal people, then the answer was no, because the people I knew weren’t the “hoodwinking” type. Then I asked her how she would answer that question, and she nearly popped a vein on her forehead. This was not going well. But I just wanted to understand the “why” behind these stupid questions. What was it all supposed to mean?
I swear, there must have been over three hundred questions this woman expected me to answer. If not, it seemed like it. Finally, it was over & I called Lizzie with Kara’s cellphone and they came to get me. On the ride home I wrote down all of the questions I could remember, just so that I could put it in this blog. I guess if I applaud at a magic show, White Cedars doesn’t think I’m good enough to attend school with the children of their town. I wonder what they’d think if they knew I could shift my body into the form of a cougar. Good thing that question never came up.
Aunt Lina was rather upset when I told her about the questions. Because she wouldn’t have been allowed to sit in on the “interview, which was the terminology she’d been given about the psych testing, she had let Kara & Lizzie take me. My treatment angered her so much that Aunt Lina called Miss Pritchard on Tuesday morning to ask what these disturbing questions hoped to prove. According to my aunt, Miss Pritchard’s answer was as vague as her questions.
I asked Aunt Lina if she couldn’t just homeschool me in New Jersey, just like she had here in PA. She said she had a good reason, and when she was ready to, she’d tell me.
What is it with the adults in my life? First I get idiotic questions from Miss Pritchard, and now its cryptic answers from Aunt Lina. Is it something they’re all drinking? I wonder if I’ll ever understand grown-ups.
Until my next post…
Randi
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